THE REVELATIONS
OF
GEORGE W. BUSH

( a Book of Political Humor )

CLASSIFIED TOP SECRET

DO NOT LEAK UNDER PENALTY OF LAW

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: October 16, 2008

By the Authority invested in me, as President and Commander-in-Chief, by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America, to Protect the Health and Safety of our Citizens and the National Security of this Country, it is hereby ordered that the Country is now in a State of National Emergency and under Martial Law.

There has been a bioterrorist attack against the United States: a serious and deadly outbreak of bird flu, which could develop into a nationwide epidemic.

A news blackout is in effect and all military have been activated.

We will tolerate no dissent or resistance. Don’t even try. In fact, don’t even think about it.

Sincerely,

_________________________

George W. Bush

P.S. To Dick & Condi & Rumsfeld & Rove: You know, I just get so fed up with people, especially you, my advisors, telling me that I don’t talk right. Plus you tell me I should forget about even writing stuff. Well, just to prove you wrong, over the past few months I’ve been secretly dictating my thoughts as to the direction this country should go.

Here are the transcripts. You all need to understand that this is just a very rough first draft. You’ll find a lot of errors, repetitions, contradictions, and things in the wrong place. We can clean all of this up later and get it into the right format for Executive Orders starting with #1,438. Then we’ll get it ready for my televised speech from the Oval Office.

You’ll find a lot of mistakes in the Iraq War section. Since my daddy fixed things so I didn’t have to go to Vietnam, I don’t know a thing about the military or weapons. Can you even believe they made me Commander-in-Chief?        

Just wanted to warn you ahead of time so you don’t blame me for all the mistakes in this. It’s all Cheney’s and Rumsfeld’s fault.  

Book Excerpts FYI: (They keep changing so keep on checking)

22. Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) have determined that a significant mutation of the H5N1 bird flu virus has occurred.
23. This allows it to pass easily from person to person via a cough or a sneeze.
24. This could only be done by experts in bio-warfare, like Dr. Germ and Chemical Ali.
25. Our enemies are innovative and resourceful and so are we.
26. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people.
27. And neither do we.
28. These hateful few have no conscience; they kill at the whim of a hat.
29. They are wanted DEAD OR ALIVE.
30. We don’t know who they are right now.
31. But we know they’re out there.
32. They will be identified, captured, and brought to justice.
33. Meanwhile, our top priority right now is to prevent the further spread of this deadly disease.
34. God Almighty is with us all during this time of challenge.
35. He is testing us, and we will come through this trial by fire.
36. We ask that everyone remain calm and not panic.
37. I assure you we have everything under control.
38. And the levees will hold.