THE REVELATIONS
OF
GEORGE W. BUSH

( a Book of Political Humor )

Top Secret Stamp for The Revelations of George W. Bush

The Presidential Seal for The Revelations of George W Bush

Note: This book is a draft of a speech President Bush plans to announce from the Oval Office right before the 2008 presidential election. We really never know what's coming in those speeches, do we? That's why there's no Table of Contents section in the book. You can let it surprise you, or you can see or print out the Table of Contents here.

1. NATIONAL EMERGENCY		1
BIRD FLU OUTBREAK		2
MASS VACCINATIONS		7
MARTIAL LAW		11
LAW AND ORDER		13
ADDITIONAL SURVEILLANCE		18
2: WHO ARE THESE TERRORISTS?		21
SURVEILLANCE OF TERRORISTS HERE AT HOME		22
I AM A WARTIME PRESIDENT		26
MYSTERIOUS DEATHS		32
TERRORIST DOCUMENTS UNCOVERED IN NATIONAL ARCHIVES		34
PATRIOTS AND DEFENDERS OF THE CONSTITUTION		35
I RULE. CONGRESS SAID SO		36
3: DEMOCRATS: COLLABORATORS ALL ALONG		38
CONGRESS SURE HAS IT SWEET		39
THE DEMOCRATS JUST TOOK IT		40
DEMOCRATS TAKE CONGRESS IN NOVEMBER 2006 ELECTIONS		42
THREATS TO NATIONAL SECURITY IN 2008 ELECTIONS		44
LOOK AT THIS PATHETIC SORRY-ASS BUNCH OF CANDIDATES		45
THREAT OF IMPEACHMENT		47
CONGRESS DOESN’T HAVE THE GUTS TO IMPEACH ME		49
PROMINENT HISTORIANS PRAISE ME		51
CONDI KEEPS ME SAFE		52
4. SAVING AMERICA FOR JESUS		54
THE WAR AGAINST CHRISTIANS		55
GOD CHOSE ME TO BE PRESIDENT		59
5. THE GREAT TURNOVER		61
I AM A WARRIOR OF GOD		64
AMERICA IS NOW AN EVANGELICAL CHRISTIAN NATION		65
AS EVANGELICAL CHRISTIANS, WE HAVE A SACRED TASK		68
6. MASS CONVERSION		72
HERETICS, HEATHENS, INFIDELS, AND NON-BELIEVERS		73
7. THE GREAT PURIFICATION		76
PHASE I: LIBRARIES		77
PHASE II: HOMOSEXUALS		78
PHASE III: EVERYTHING FOREIGN		82
PHASE IV: ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS		84
PHASE V: BLACKS		87
PHASE VI: DEFECTIVES AND ABNORMALS		91
8. THE HOLY ROLLER BIBLE-THUMPER’S HANDBOOK		94
MARRIAGE, FAMILY, AND FAMILY VALUES		95
FORBIDDEN ACTS AND PUNISHMENTS		102
SCHOOLS		105
FAITH-BASED HEALTH		110
WE ARE NOW A CULTURE OF LIFE		115
FAITH-BASED SCIENCE		118
THE RICH		122
THE POOR		129
FAITH-BASED MEDIA		133
9. THE TRUTH ABOUT 9/11		138
THE 9/11 ATTACKS		139
ON 9/11 I GOT TO SEE WHAT A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY AMERICA IS		143
NO WARNINGS ABOUT THE 9/11 ATTACKS		146
9/11 CONSPIRACY THEORIES		150
THE AIR WAS FINE		153
10. ALL WE’VE DONE TO PROTECT THIS COUNTRY		155
TERRORIST ATTACKS PREVENTED		156
NEW SECRET WEAPONS		161
11. THE GLOBAL WAR ON TERROR		164
OUR NATIONAL SECURITY STRATEGY		165
THE NATURE OF THE ENEMY		167
12. WAR IN AFGHANISTAN		169
THE TALIBAN WERE JUST A BUNCH OF RAGHEADS		170
OSAMA BIN LADEN WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE		172
AFGHANISTAN NOW HAS DEMOCRACY, FREEDOM, AND LIBERTY		173
GOOD NEWS OUT OF AFGHANISTAN		174
BAGRAM ARMY BASE		176
13. NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH ABOUT IRAQ		178
SADDAM ON MY MIND		179
COALITION OF THE WILLING INVADES IRAQ		184
THE “LEAK”		188
THE UNITED STATES DOES NOT DO TORTURE		191
SECRETARIAN VIOLENCE		195
OUR TROOPS NEVER USED CHEMICAL WEAPONS		196
DEPLETED URANIUM (DU) DOES NO HARM TO OUR TROOPS		199
14. THE MILITARY WILL GET WHATEVER IT NEEDS		201
THE PENTAGON PROVIDED TROOPS WITH THE BEST VEHICLES		202
THE MOST ADVANCED BODY ARMOR		205
THE BEST GEAR AND EQUIPMENT		208
15. VETERANS’ BENEFITS & MEDICAL CARE		211
I’VE INCREASED ALL VETERANS’ BENEFITS		212
HONORING THE WOUNDED AND THE FALLEN		219
16. THINGS IN IRAQ ARE GOING REALLY SWELL		224
SENATE ARMED SERVICES COMMITTEE		225
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO CIVIL WAR IN IRAQ		227
THE REVOLT OF THE GENERALS		230
17. SO WHAT IF TROOPS DIE?		235
LATEST CASUALTIES		236
18. THE PENTAGON BUDGET		237
DEFENSE CONTRACTS		238
SPACE DEFENSE		242
CRITICAL PROJECTS		244
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAR-PROFITEERING GOING ON		247
NO GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION		249
19. THE COALITION REMAINS STRONG		250
THE COALITION IS EVEN STRONGER THAN EVER		251
20. TROOP MORALE, RECRUITMENT, & RE-ENLISTMENTS		253
TROOPS HAVE LOTS OF FUN IN THEIR SPARE TIME		254
RECRUITMENT AND RE-ENLISTMENTS ARE WAY UP		256
ALL TROOPS SUPPORT THE WAR		260
21. WITHDRAW OUR TROOPS? NO WAY		261
NO TROOP WITHDRAWAL FROM IRAQ		262
TALK OF TROOP WITHDRAWAL AIDS THE TERRORISTS		264
CONGRESS DEMANDS TROOP WITHDRAWAL SOMEDAY		266
TROOPS SUPPORT THE WAR		269
NEW U.S. MILITARY FORCES		272
IRAQ WAR OVERVIEW		274
22. MORE ROGUE NATIONS = MORE WARS		276
WAR IN IRAN		277
WAR IN NORTH KOREA		281
ROGUE NATIONS ARE EVERYWHERE		284
OIL RESERVES IN THE MIDDLE EAST IN THE HANDS OF TERRORISTS		285
MORE ROGUE NATIONS		288
TERRORIST INCIDENTS DROP WORLDWIDE		289
23. FEEL A DRAFT?		291
TROOPS LEVELS INCREASED		292
24. THE BUSH RULES		296
25. THE BUSH FAMILY’S DEDICATION TO PUBLIC SERVICE		299
GEORGE WALKER BUSH		300
PRESCOTT BUSH		301
GEORGE H. W. BUSH		303
I, GEORGE W. BUSH		304
PROMOTION		305

THE REVELATIONS OF GEORGE W. BUSH ( a Book of Political Humor )

TABLE OF CONTENTS

THE REVELATIONS
OF
GEORGE W. BUSH

( a Book of Political Humor )